My Wife Doesn’t Understand Me
July 27, 2007
Husbands suffer in silence a lot. Wanting to express how they really feel but at the same time not really wanting to hurt their wife’s feeling. So instead of confrontation they just begin to say, she just doesn’t understand me. As this lack of communication continues the marriage just drifts further apart. I mean, what’s the use in talking if she doesn’t understand me. Well unless you are speaking Greek and she is speaking Swahili, and neither one of you are deaf – she can understand you, but you’ve got to break it down so that she receives what you are trying to say. AND yelling about it AND storming in and out AND giving the silent treatment AND slamming the door is not and I say again IS NOT going to help one thing. Matter of fact it will probably make it worse.
Here is a tip that I got when I went through marriage counseling many moons ago and I thank the good Lord for not only allowing to go through marriage counseling when we were engaged, but also that we applied the wisdom given. Here is what the pastor told us to get around the “doesn’t understand me thing”, he said find something they can identify with and then work your story, speach, whatever around that. For example if he is into sports make the story that you need to talk to them about sports related and then go for the zinger. Like, and you know how you got frustrated when the Mavericks didn’t win, well that’s how I feel when you stop talking to me – I just get frustrated. Or if she’s really into cooking then, remember the time you put too much salt on the roast and I didn’t complain about it, we just went out to dinner, sometimes I wish you would just forgive me like that. This might sound simple or even silly but it works. The reason it works is because you strike a cord of compassion, you have entered their way of thinking and this increases their understanding of your need.
But this takes work because you are going to have to carefully construct your story. This is going to make you think and not just fly off the handle which will be absolutely good for your marriage. And if you really don’t know what makes your wife tick, then you will never be able to do this. That is why God is big on husband and wives getting to know each other. My husband knows me like his own reflection in the mirror and I love watching him try to learn more about me everyday. We are constantly learning about each other and it’s been 20 wonderful years.
If God has blessed you with a spouse he expects you to compliment each other. If he’s tick, then I’m tock and the beat is supposed to go on and on and on, in harmony, in balance and in unity. In reality one of the biggest things that can stop you from communicating and getting understanding is being selfish. But when you really want to resolve something you will and I say again, YOU WILL work at it.
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