What Is A Husband Supposed To Do?
June 20, 2008
Tags: breaking up, Christian marriage, compatibility, compatibility questions, compatibility test, divorce, end relationship, ending a relationship, healthy relationships, husband, initmacy, love, love and marriage, marriage, marriage advise, marriage bed, marriage builders, marriage counseling, marriage divorce, marriage help, marriage problems, marriage proposal, newly weds, pre marriage, relationship advise, relationship issues, relationship test, relationships, separation, sex, sexuality, troubled relationships, understanding men in a relationship, understanding women in a relationship, wife
Ok, someone left that note what is a husband supposed to do? Glad you asked. Sounds like you are pretty exasperated and have probably tried some of everything. First, don’t get discouraged. Staying encouraged will help your marriage to survive. Second, realize that you can’t do it alone. Marriage is a two way channel at some point your spouse has to get on board and help support the relationship. Third, do all that you can.
Troubleshooting where things began to go wrong is so helpful when trying to restore a relationship. But that is often the most difficult place to begin the conversations that start healing. So you have to take an onion peel approach. Unravel one layer at a time and air things out beyond the pain. What most people do is to air things out until the pain. When the discussion gets too painful they stop talking or find excuses to end the conversation. You’ve got to go past the pain calmly and gently because that is where your healing will begin.
Honesty without being offensive is another thing that will help. We live in a society where everybody wears a mask. We are good at hiding things. Healing comes in transparency. You need to trust someone that you can be completely vulnerable to. This might take a while because often trust has been destroyed in a relationship and it has to be carefully reconstructed.
Love despite of and not because of. When you love a person because of, that love is not unconditional. It is based on how you feel about them. When you love despite of, that love is unconditional. No matter what they do you will work towards a solution. Now there are exceptions to this but in a healthy relationship this should be able to be accomplished.
Make love often and never let the sun go down on your anger. Think about this, the first command that God gave to married couples was to have lots of sex and babies (be fruitful and multiple). Their first contact with each other was nude and he put them in an exotic garden and said get busy. There has got to be something to his wisdom. He did not sit them down and have a counseling session on staying happily married. He wanted them physically, spiritually, and emotionally fused together and the best way to make them one was through sex. And then to give them children as a result of their act of love that they could enjoy raising together.
Then in his wisdom he found a way to make this all do-able. He gave them lots of time together. He wanted them to get to know each other without distractions. He kept them in a stress free environment. He met with them in the cool of the day to let them know that he was watching over them and wanted fellowship with them. Adam and Eve were truly in the best life ever. But their problems began when a third party came along. The devil wrecked their heaven and gave them hell. Get rid of the third party in your relationship and you can save your marriage.
What is your third party? Is it another man or woman? Is it your job? Is it your mouth and attitude towards your family? Is it your anger? Is it your lack of committment? Is it constant stress? Whatever the third party is get rid of it.
Finally, love your wife as Christ loved the church and was willing to die for it. Put her needs higher than your own needs. Be kind and listen to her. Let her know that you love her. Now some women are really the trouble makers in a realtionship (see my post Married to a B….) and in that case you have to set some guidelines and expectations. Like letting it be known – I’m a good man and you would be stupid to mess up this relationship but I’m not going to let you run me and ruin my life. If you want a marriage you’re going to have to act like it and these are some things that need to change now. So let’s sit down and talk about what we want and need out of a marriage. Then set your points of agreement and work towards that (see my post Love Jesus Hate My Marriage it will help to establish points of agreement.)
See my about page for resources that can give further help. Hang in there and God bless you.
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