What To Do When You Hate Your Husband

July 15, 2008 lifeis2good
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It takes more energy to hate than to love and love is so much more liberating. So how do you start loving them when they really are a dog?

I sat here thinking about the two most popular articles on my blog, they are I can’ stand my husband and does my husband love me. Between the two they have been read 3,163 times and counting – that’s a lot of people. So I thought if a person really hates their husband, but really doesn’t want to leave them then what is the quickest solution…This is what I came up with, LOVE YOUR HUSBAND. You can’t hate and love at the same time. So just shift emotions and decide he’s worth loving.

The Bible says when you treat someone the best, when they treat you the worst, emotionally it will be like putting burning coals on their head. Now I am not talking about abusive or life threatening situations, you need to put some serious distance between you and the abuser and maybe even divorce them. I’m talking about the people that have just gotten to the point of frustration and really can’t stand their husband, but still deep inside really love them.

It takes more energy to hate than to love and love is so much more liberating. So how do you start loving them when they really are a dog? Talk to God and ask him to give you the supernatural strength to love them unconditionally. He will do it.

I remember one time when I was growing up, I realized that I hated my pastor because of some things he had done to me personally and other members of my church. That is the only person in my life that I can actually say that I hated. When I got grown it still bugged me, so I took it to God. I said you know I hate him, but I still love my church what am I suppossed to do? He told me so clearly, love him anyway. I said God but you know all the stuff he has done and he said, but if you don’t want to hate him, you have to love him. So I said how? God told me to pray for him and to end my prayer with, “and I love my pastor.”

At first I could not do it. Matter of fact I could not even call his name to pray for him. I had to take that to God too. I said God I can’t even call his name, and God told me then say him. So I started praying. I pray for him and I love him. This went on for about a year. Then finally one day as I was praying I said, I pray for Pastor ___________ and I love Pastor ____________. When I heard myself pray those words I knew my healing had really begun. It got easier and easier every day to pray for him. First it went from mechanical to really feeling it. I was so happy that God had given me the breakthrough.

Well, several years later. My pastor called me and we had some airing out of grievances. I don’t think he knew at the time how much he had offened me. But by the end of the conversation all was cleared. From that point on we had a great relationship and about three years after that he got very sick and died. I thank God that he restored our relationship before he got sick. During the time he was sick he knew I was praying for him. The last time that I saw him was when I went back to my hometown and visited the church and he let everyone know how much he loved me. I never saw him again, but was so greatful to have listened to God’s advice. When you hate someone, you have to love them if you want the relationship restored.

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5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. shellzisbetta  |  January 31, 2010 at 6:13 am

    This is a very inspirational article, it really hit home! I’ve been going through it with my husband, and I’ve been praying and praying for restoration of my marriage, now I’m to the point that it’s up to God where my marriage goes. I just pray that he will bring peace in my marriage at this point. I know God answers prayer, so right now…I’m waiting. Thanks for such a beautifully written inspiration:)

  • 2. lifeis2good  |  January 31, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    I am so glad those words helped you. I pray that you and your husband are restored. It can happen, God can give you love. The bible says love is big enough to conquer all. May the peace and stregnth of God lead you. Amen.

  • 3. mommagretta  |  February 12, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Ok..Im new to blogging, I don’t usually aire my grief to strangers, but! I just don’t know what to do. There was physical abuse,that seemed to stop after many years, then wam last feb He about took my shoulder off literally. Ive been married 25 years. I try to treat him with respect…He cusses at me, I believe he is bi-polar, smiling one minute, gritting his teeth the next. Its crazy. I despise him so much and at the same time, want to be humane and show him he is loved by someone. He is sneaky- but he works hard, our kids are late teens and early 20’s. They dont know what to do with him, they try to love him. To be honest, he is so hard to love, so mean…then so nice, snaps so quick. I consider myself reasonably capable of functioning, but at this point I feel like my future is over, and I am at a dead end. Anyway…
    I love the Lord,I’ve tried to love him in the Lord, I am so miserable. Wish my Mom was here to help me. No one to turn to, can’t dump it all on the kids. No arms to rest in. Thanks for listening.

    • 4. lifeis2good  |  February 13, 2010 at 3:03 am

      Thank you so much for writing. I will keep you in prayer, I understand the loss of a mother. This month is the 10th anniversary of her departure. It gets easier, but you will always miss them. However when you pull out the good times in your memory, you can miss them with a smile.

      How safe are you? Physical abuse can be disasterous or fatal. I would recommend starting here domestic violence hotline is available at 1 800 799-SAFE. Also try here
      1 800 A Family

      American Association of Christian Counselors

      Caring For The Heart – this is an organization that helps marriages to heal and recover from hurt couples do to each other and more.

      I believe that these three resources can provide the professional guidance that you need.

      You’ve made the first step to get help. That is tremendous, don’t stop until all is well with you and your children. Love should not hurt. Always remember that.

  • 5. suihtnessbaby  |  March 4, 2012 at 3:30 am

    I’m glad i came across this blog.

    I never felt hatred towards a human being like i do towards my husband. He is so wicked and evil.I just can’t find the slightest love for him.

    During our marriage, he inherited houses, money, businesses and many material things from his dad, who passed away some time ago. My husband has since then become a very wicked man, who despises for not being so wealthy like he is. At one time, he kicked me out of our matrimonial home with my baby who was only 6 weeks old at the time. As i was in the process of filing for a divorce and also my lawyer demanding a huge amount of money for maintanance, it was at that time he came begging me to come back to him. He had hundreds of excuses. I forgave him and went back to him

    I still think till this day, it was because of fear of paying maintainance that he asked me to come back home. He still doesn’t respect me and he is so cold towards me and our child.

    Worst of all, every time we have our differences, he always says he waits until the day i will take up a career so he can pratically kick me out like a dog and he can have all his money for himself. Surely, can you love such a man???

    I have a feeling he is busy plotting evil things towards me… I hate this abusive man, to a point i wished i was never married to him.

    Whenever, i get the strength to move out, he comes creeping telling me to stay. I have forgiven him more than 100 times.

    I once told a lady about my family problems, and the first question she asked me was, “What are you still doing in his house if he is that bad??” I thought ” how rude?”. Anyone who has ever tried to live with this kind of a man and finds herself stuck in this kind of a marriage for some weird reasons, would understand what i am going through. I have no strength to leave him, and yet i hate him for making my life miserable.

    What can God do for me in such a situation?

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