Letter to My Drunken Wife

When I married you I envision a lover, a friend for life and a mother that would honor me as a husband and with the children. I’m sitting here today wondering what the hell was I thinking and where I went wrong. The saddest part of all is that I still love you, because when you’re not a raving idiot under the influence of the liqour you are actually a wonderful person.

I am writing this letter to you to say that I can’t live like this any more. Your rages are tearing me and the kids a part. I can’t handle this. I know I promised to be with you always, but it just can’t be like this. You’re going to have to get some help. I will do whatever it takes to get that for you. Don’t come telling me you don’t have a damn problem you do have one and the sooner you own up to it the better it will be for our relationship.

I love you. But I can’t stand the fact that you are killing yourself emotionally, physically and tearing up our relationship. What I wouldn’t give to come home and not smell alcohol on your breath or smell it in your skin when we are close. What I wouldn’t give to have the old you back. Please give me the real you back. I need you. Don’t do this to us. Let’s do whatever it take. I don’t care what caused you to start drinking like this, let’s figure it out and work it out before it is too late.

I know this letter is going to be hard on you. I know you won’t receive it at first. But I need you to know that if you want this relationship to continue, you will have to listen to me because I love you enough to tell you the truth. I don’t want you out of my life, I just want a wonderful life and I can’t have that with you sharing it with a bottle. Let’s do this. I love you.

This letter is dedicated to all the husbands having this issue. May the God Lord change the direction of your world. See my About page for resources. God can help it all turn out right.

Add a comment May 13, 2009

Long Term Relationship – No Spark in Sex

I wasn’t quite sure whether this was long term referring to years in marriage, but I am writing with that assumption. There is a book called The Act of Marriage Over 40 I would highly recommend it if you have invested years in a relationship but the physical side is a different because of natural changes in your spouse due to aging. Men have less problems than women do in that area, so please don’t go for the young thing trade in – learn about what is going on in your wife’s body. These days there is a lot of help out there, but that book would be an excellent place to start.

Add a comment May 12, 2009

How To Save Your Marriage Part 2

In last weeks segment we focussed on healing memories, prayer, going beyond how you really feel and trusting God to change your emotions towards your spouse. This week we will focus on 7 things that you can do. Just remember that the things you did last week apply this week too and should continue. There is truth to the saying actions speak louder than words. This week:
1. Find some way to take the load off your spouse and let them know you are doing it because you see their burden and you want to help. Now if they don’t respond appreciatively don’t let it get to you. You’ve spent years building up offenses it will not be removed over night.
2. Take the lead in a household chore before they do it.
3. Purchase something thoughtful and give it to them even if you have to buy it from the dollar store.
4. Send a e-card or give them a regular card.
5. Write I love you somewhere they can see it – shaving cream on a bathroom mirror, a note stuffed in their pillow, a note left on the car seat.
6. Take them somewhere they have being begging you to go.
7. Do a sports activity together – walking, hiking, bike riding, skating etc.

Add a comment May 10, 2009

Give Your Wife What She Wants

1. Peace
2. Support
3. Help with the children
4. Respect
5. Romance
6. To feel loved
7. Consideration
8. Not to feel stiffled
9. Don’t yell
10. Don’t be controlling
11. More money
12. Show interest in what she like and date each other often

Add a comment May 5, 2009

Give Your Husband What He Wants

1. Sex
2. Love
3. Flirtation
4. Support
5. Listen
6. Shut up sometimes
7. Stop complaining
8. Show that you appreciate him

9. Give him some down time

10 Don’t spend all the money

11. Stay in shape and look good

12. Treat him with respect

Add a comment May 5, 2009

Letter To My Drunken Husband

Dear husband,
When I marriage you I completely loved you. You were the sun and the moon and the earth and the stars to me. It stayed that way for a while until you one day I saw you reach for that bottle and put it in your mouth. At first you drank only a little saying that it was just social drinking. After you wrecked the car for the 2nd time, I guess we both know that you are a full blown alcoholic. Or did I realize that the first time you beat me in your drunken stuppor. Why are you destroying our lives? Why do you make me hate you? Don’t you know I was willing (and still am if you change) the rest of my life? Does that mean anything to you – that I will devote myself to your wellbeing until death do us part? I love you.

Right now I hate the thought of you, the smell of you and the touch of you in our bed. You are a sloppy wretch. Stop it. Stop it now before you hurt me beyond repair or destroy someone elses life in an accident. I cringe everytime I hear the news of a DUI hoping that you were not the fool behind the wheel. I cring everytime you want to touch me because you are out of control when you are drunk. I even fear you coming home. I actually hide to see what kind of mood you’re going to be in when you open the door. And you terrify the kids. They don’t know who or what you are. They need a role model. Will you be the man I married or some sick liquor induced alter ego? Don’t you even try to remember when things were good between us? Don’t you even remember how good we were together and the nights I spent loving you? What happened? Or were you this way all the time and just deceived me to get me to marry you? I did not marry you to be miserable. I married you because I loved you and wanted that to last forever. Stop destroying us. If you ever really loved me, put that bottle down and let’s pray to God to help you get sobber and stay that way. God can help us. I am willing to work with you. Please for both of us and the love we had – STOP.

Dear God,
This letter is dedicated to all the women in those desire straits. Please help their marrige to survive and be healed. Amen

Add a comment May 4, 2009

I Can Kill My Wife?

I was watching television the other day and heard a news story that was beyond comprehension to me. Truly it will be beyond comprehension for any American. The story was about honor killing in India. They showed two dynamically clashing sides of their culture. Hoards of people were protesting and crying for the overturn of  honor killing, while others were demanding that the laws stay in tact. As they showed both sides of the issue I felt myself cringing on the inside thinking how can anybody think it is okay to kill their wife or any woman especially after she has been violently assaulted. According to the honor killing theory a raped woman was no different than a fornicator, prostitute or adulteress.

When the reporter asked the person he was interviewing why there was no difference. He admitted to killing his own sister who had been raped. Shooting her four times in the head and stating she was damaged goods and that no one in their country wanted their women to be like American women. I had to chuckle at that because an Amercian male would more than likely say we would not want to be like you because we don’t  kill our women, especially those that have been raped. Even in the American prison system a man who abuses a woman, a child, or the elderly is likely to be dead by the hands of inmates long before their prison term is over because it’s not tolerated.

One of the persons interviewed that was against honor killing said that the system had been around since the Ottoman Empire and it should end now. The person cried out that thte killing must stop. Our Bible would agree with that person. The Lord straightened that out a long time ago when a woman caught in the very act of adultery was tossed down at his feet by a mob that was carrying massive rocks to stone her. The crowd was thristy for blood – the blood of the woman I might add, they let the man off the hook. The mob said something to the effect, the law says we have the right to stone and adultress. The Lord started writing in the sand. They pressed him again. He replied he that is without sin cast the first stone. Not a one in the crowd could do anything but put their stones down and leave because they were all, just as we all are, guilty of something.

Another time the Lord encountered a woman that was living with a man. He exposed her whole life with men. He said, you’ve had 5 husbands and the one you are living with now is not your husband. He never condemend her for being a fornicator. He knew what she and the man were doing. He just let her go to spread the good news.

The standard that our bible sets up for marriage is love your wife, honor your wife, support your wife, encourage your wife, listen to your wife, help your wife, provide for your wife and physically satisfy your wife. The standard is also to love God first so that he can show you how to do that. He never wanted one single hair on one of his womens head harmed in any way. That is why he even allowed Moses to write the bill of divorcement because the men were abusing and killing the women. God’s heart breaks when women are abused, harmed or killed. As much as he never EVER wanted divorce to ever take place – he valued a woman’s life more and in essence said if you are going to treat her like that just let her go. We are the problem. We disobey God. We disobey his standards and doing things the way he instructed us to do them. Then our lives are in a mess and marriages are in shambles. Go back to God and all that can be remedied.

Is it a sin to fornicate and commit adultery. Yes by all means according to God’s law. And according to his most holy standard it is worthy of death by what was written in the law. But in his mercy he placed love and forgiveness above the law. But in his mercy he placed life above death. So he told the woman caught in adultery go and sin no more. To the other woman living with the man he said nothing.

Any deviation from God’s standard according to God is sin. And according to God’s standard all people with unrepented sin will perish. I truly believe that want God wants from all of us is to love him and to obey him, and then when we disobey because of our human weakness to come to him ask forgiveness and allow him to teach us to live according to what he knows is best for us. God never wanted anyone to fornicate or commit adultery – NEVER. He sanctified sex for marriage only. He wanted us to have one special person that and one special relationship that no one else could immitate. One initmate relationship that no one else could have but them. Then he wanted that couple to spend a lifetime figuring each other out. But he is aware that we do it and will never stop trying to get us to do the right thing because he knows that is the path that will bring the most good to our lives and spare us pain. Women are a gift from God to be treated as precious. The spirit of the living God is still crying out all over the world today put the rocks down.

Add a comment April 30, 2009

How To Save Your Marriage – Part 1

This is my 22 nd  year of marriage and I can honestly say of my husband he is good to me in so many ways that there would be too many to mention. This morning I woke up smiling because I had dreamed about him. I dreamed we were dancing on a beautiful ship and that the paparzzi were all around us taking pictures. The dream was so real and it just felt good. I woke up thinking I am so blessed to still think wonderfully of my husband after all these years and we’ve been through a lot but still love each other like crazy.
So if you read my posts you know that I decided to dedicate the next month to marriage restoration and I hope you will come on the journey with me and leave your own words of personal encouragement for those who may be struggling. You also know that I got inspired to do this after watching the movie Fireproof and highly recommended that anyone going through marriage difficulty watch the movie – so let’s get started.

The following tips can help a bad marrige to become better and a good marriage to become exceptional. For week one I want you to focus on 7 things:
1. Why did you fall in love with your spouse?
2. I want you to start a log on every good thing your spouse has ever done for you and I don’t care how you feel about them right now. Dig in those memories and start building a log. Start with the very first thing that they did to impact your life. And write about that good thing until you begin to feel it emotionally, even if one event takes all day to stir those memories.
3. Think about what made your spouse stand out and make you want to marry them beyond any other person you had a relationship with.
4. I want you to tell your spouse that you love them at least twice a day for the next 31 days even if they curse you for saying it.
5. I want you to say a prayer for your spouse every day for the next 31 days – It can be short like Dear God save my marriage.
6. I want you to list things that you know bug the __________ out of your spouse pick the top one and let your spouse know that from this day forward I will….
7. I want you to touch your spouse – a hug, hold hands, kiss, back rub, foot massage – just do something every day as often as you would like.

Next I want you to find a marriage tip from your pet. Pet’s have great marriage philosophy if we observe them and then do something that you learned from your pet to enhance your marriage. I am going to give you five things that I learned from my pet which I have incorporated into my marriage:
1. Unconditional love – my dog love me no matter what. I can have a good day or a bad day. I can be a complete nut case and drive everybody in my house up the wall but my dog will stay right by my side. Never leave me and will be kind and loving towards me no matter what my mood is.
2. My dog wakes me up every morning and makes me laugh, then we play, then she goes off to the rest of the house to wake everybody up. So I make sure that my husband wakes up to a smile everyday.
3.My dog knows whenever I come home and greets me at the door or runs out to the car. So I greet my husband whenever I know he’s coming in and I never let him leave without saying goodbye and kissing him.
4. My dog spends quality time with me everyday. We have at least one meal together and she always makes sure that I spend time away from work. My husband and my schedule is so busy but we do try to have some meals together during the week and at least Sunday morning and evening the whole family has meals together. We are trying to learn not to always work and have more time for entertainment.
5.My dog forgives and forgets. If I accidently step on her tail and she cries. If I pick her up and say I’m sorry she’s ready to play again. So I purpose to always be in a forgiving mood like my dog.

Please share your pets marriage tips as well.

Add a comment April 29, 2009

Save Your Marriage Today, Really Today

I watched a movie last night that brought to mind my blog audience. It was such a timely and compelling movie that I decided to write about. The movie was called Fireproof. I want you to view the movie so I won’t provide a lot of details, but it was about a couple going through hate and hell and trying to decide whether turning the situation around was worth it. I found myself going through a range of emotions as the drama unfolded. But I concluded that watching that movie could be highly inspirational if you want to save your marriage – TODAY. Now, I won’t say whether things actually worked out for the couple or not, but I will say it was enough information in the movie to help any doomed marriage if that is what you want. The movie also inspired me to put together a 31 day challenge to readers of this blog starting May 1st. This site is dedicated to saving marriages and making them better so keep posted for the marriage challenge that is ahead.

Add a comment April 10, 2009

Hate My Wife But Don’t Want a Divorce

If  you hate your wife but don’t want a divorce, then what are you really saying? Are you saying:
1. I hate the way things are but I love my wife. If so there is hope for your relationship. Please see my post How to Save Your Marriage in 3 Words and Love Me Like You Used To.

or
2. I really hate my wife and just don’t want to be alone. If so, I would recommend counseling to get things restored or really asking yourself is it fair to stay with someone that you hate making both of  your lives miserable. With as much pain in this world, if your home life can’t be a haven of peace, love and security what else is left?  So you are miserable day in and day out. God has a plan for people that want their marriage restored, please read my post Love Jesus Hate My Marriage. Also see my post How Much That Divorce Really Cost and my About page for resources.

Dear God,
Help people in this situation to get in tune with your will. Help them sort things out in life and get it together. Amen.

Add a comment March 28, 2009