Love Husband but Excitement is Gone

You love your husband but the excitement is gone? How could it have possibly gone anywhere? Excitement has no life of its own. The ONLY life that it has is what YOU and YOUR SPOUSE give it. Excitement hasn’t gone anywhere, its still ready, willing and eager to go. You two have to connect with it. The problem is what caused the disconnect. If you are honest, YOU KNOW. The good part is it is never too late to connect again, to get lost in each other, and to live it out through acts of love.

Here are a few top things that cause a disconnect – not spending enough time together, being selfish and controlling in the relationship, failing to communicate, growing a part by not learning what keeps you into each other, not helping each other with day to day activities and the kids, financial and house keeping woes, and spending to much time with 3rd parties.

Here are somethings that cause a connect – make your spouse your number one priority, do things that make them happy, find out what they need, find out what they want, do things together life is more than dinner and a movie, why not try riding the rapids if you live near water, climibing a mountain if you are near the big rocks, sailing down the Mississippi, dancing like you used to at the local stomp, thow a party or hop on a horse and ride into the sunset. Variety is the spice of life.

God gave you a gift. This is how most people deal with gifts, they either use it to the maximum or they say, oh that’s so nice I don’t want to use it, I will just put it on shelf and look at like a pretty crystal glass. The shelvers get some satisfaction looking at the gift, but the maximizers not only get the satisfaction, they get the best of the gift and experience the pleasure of it all the time. Use your head, how much fun are you? Just go for it.

Add a comment February 28, 2009

Want Divorce but Family Loves Wife

You know sometimes God speaks to us through others. Really weigh in your heart if  your family could possibly see something that you might be missing due to heartaches you’ve experienced in marriage. Ask yourself what is going on deep inside that makes you want the divorce and then is weigh out if those things changed would your wife still be of value to you. Sometimes years of dissatisfaction make you forget the tresure that you really have. But it is amazing what could happen if you took the time to dust off and polish up the old treasure box. All of a sudden its, “WOW.” It takes two people to mess up a marriage and it will take two people to restore it. Take care before you sign the dotted line, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Add a comment February 28, 2009

____ Happens, Life Happens, But Marriages Don’t Happen

You know what I hate about fairy tales, they tell you how to get the man and the marriage but not how to keep it. In fairy tales, love and life just happens. In marriage the reality is, it DOES NOT go that way. You might spend your honeymoon with prince charming, but there just might be a toad in your bed the next morning. For some reason after a few months of marriage prince charming or princess charming just don’t look the same. So what do you do? Here are a few pointers.
1. Happily ever after requires work. Stats say that year number one is the worst, so if you make it through that one you’re more than likely set for life if you learn more about each other every day and attempt to keep peace in your home.
2. The day the wedding band goes on your spouse becomes your NUMBER ONE priority, that is how you will keep peace as the years go by. Your priority should not be to continue to do what you did when you were single. Marriage changes priorites. Hanging out with your single buddies or the boys all the time just won’t cut it if you want an outstanding marriage.
3. Communications is the number one key to success. Talk to your spouse about every thing. Become like friends in the area of communications. It is the things that people cover up during the years in a marriage that often bring it to an end.
4. Be faithful. Don’t cheat. Really, one is enough. Don’t cheat with other people. Don’t cheat with porn. Don’t cheat with gambling or other vices. Give your self 110% to your spouse.
5. Alway express love, kindness and appreciation. Keep the words thank you and I love you highly active in your marriage.

Add a comment February 19, 2009

Husband Never Does a ____ Thing Right

That might be true, but are there other things that might also be true? Care to take a challenge?
Okay I challenge you to the following…
___________________________________________________

1. Are you are person that always looks at life negatively therefore anything that your husband did that was good you could not see it?
2. Have you ever tried to find the things that he does do well with?
3. Are you a complaining wife or an encouraging one? If you are a complainer it just may be that his negative actions are a response to your negative mindset.
4. Do you ever try to give him credit for anything?
5. Have you ever asked him what he feels best at accomplishing and then supported that?
6. Do you talk negative about him in front of your children and family?
7. Do you give him anything to be positive about?
8. When was the last time you told him he is a good person, good father, good provider or good anything?
9. How often to you try to help him get things right by communication your needs, wants or even frustrations in a kind way?
10. Have you ever asked him why he is the way you perceive him to be and then offered to help him to grow and develope more?

Often in relationships we are to fault because of our own insensitivity to our spouse or we do so much complaining that we create an endless circle of negativity. You say nothing positive, so they have nothing positive to respond to. You act negatively so they have nothing positive to react to. Lighten up some and try communicating more positively it could improve your lives and you just might find out that hubby does have very good qualitites that you may have missed.

1 comment February 12, 2009

Does God Listen To Us About Married Life?

Yes, of course he listens. The problem is we don’t talk to him enough. He wants marriages to go well. He wants love, unity and peace in marriage relationship and he wants children to be raised by both parents in a God fearing environment. You just start talking to him about your marriage and see what happens.

I talk to God about my marriage just about every day. I ask him to make it better, to make us better parents. If I in the middle of a disagreement I say God, fix this or that before I talk to my husband or kids. Please make the conversation about the disagreement a peaceful one. I ask him how I can become a better wife. I thank him everytime I go out with my husband or we travel together. Then when I pray over my husband while he is sleep I thank God for him. So its just a part of my life. I’ve been doing it so long that it is natural. Then he answers back with peace and more direction for our lives. God wants to be our friend and we should take advantage of that.

Add a comment February 11, 2009

Six Ways to Sexual Satisfaction

1. Unity – kick peace out the door and passion goes right with it
2. Give – sex in marriage is nourishment, the more you give the more you get back. Stop thinking about yourself, think about your spouse.
3. Make quality time – break out the routine, do something different, stroke each other with kind words, make the person feel special
4. Learn – the Bible says dwell with each other according to knowledge, like a fine wine, romance should get better with time
5. If you lost the fire restart it, that is totally in your control. If your intimacy is dead, guess who’s to blame – both of you. Get it together and refire.
6. Treat your spouse like royalty during the day and your nights just might become more interesting.

Add a comment February 11, 2009

Husband Not Good In Bed

The worst thing you can do is to condemn your relationship to non-fulfillmnet. The best thing you can do is to work out the situation. A few years ago Ophra did a wonderful segment on healing realtionships that were not fulfilling and they mentioned a place that she sent people for counseling. It was some type of retreat. You might want to contact her producers to get information on this. But the bottom line was counseling restored the relationships almost instantaneously. The couples loved each other but just were not fulfilled.

If you are not quite ready for counseling then increasing communications between you and your spouse might help. Also a good book to read is The Act of Marriage and The Act of Marriage over 40 by Tim LaHaye. Don’t start with a complaint list telling him that he is not good in bed, rather discuss things that you think could improve the relationship in that area. He just might not know what you need. That is why God put the Songs of Soloman in the Bible, it is a book that communicates how lovers feel and what lovers want. The end result is a satisfying relationship. Then encourage him, tell him what he does do right. Your encouragement will go a long way in his performance. Use your words wisely.

Other things to consider where you might need help is medical issues that contribute, personal trauma that might need counseling to uncover, and areas of rejection which have left him with low self esteem, shame and embarrasment that contribute to the situation. If you take the time you can walk the situation through and see improvement. Be patient. Another thing is let him know that you love him and want him everyday. This will build trust, bonding and begin to create an environment where he feels safe to be with you because if he senses your disapproval he will more than likely withdraw. Patience, loving honesty and loving support with God’s help will more than likely change your destiny. Work hard at this and don’t give up. See my About page for resources.

Add a comment February 10, 2009

Should I Leave My Family for the Woman I Love?

If you are considering leaving your family for the woman that you love here are some things to seriously consider:
1. Is the grass really greener on the other side or have you encountered a mirage?
2. Have you considered the long term effects on your children?
3. Have you considered how much the divorce will really cost you (see post How Much Does Divorce Really Cost)?
4. Have you sought God to get your marriage restored?
5. Have you sought counseling to improve your marriage?
6. Have you been honest with yourself in terms of your contribution to your marriage failing?
7. Have you had a decent, calm coversation with your wife about how you really feel about your marriage?
8. Have you ever really told her what she could do to help improve your relationship and what you are willing to do to get things together ( See my post Trading Spouse for a New Model)?
9. When was the last time you did something in your relationship to show love and appreciation for your wife?
10. Do you realize that your children will be severely impacted by divorce and some never recover (see my about page for resources)?
11. Have you gone over your marriage vows to remind you of what marriage is about?
12. Have you truly done all you can do to restore your relationship?

Some marriages are too damaged to be restored, but if there is a single ray of hope it just might be worth pursuing seeing that the cost is very high for divorce and the statistical fact that second marriages have a very high rate of failure. If you loved her once you can love her again. If you started off on the wrong foot, God can get both of you on the right foot. Nothing is impossible with him.

1 comment February 9, 2009