I Don’t Love Him Like I Used To

You ever felt like you don’t love him like you used to? Sometimes a simple adjustment will keep your marriage thriving so that you won’t feel that way. Hitting the reverse button in your mind will often help you to connect to the first time that you felt this way and making an adjustment to that point in time could revive the relationship. The question to ask is, when was the last time you truly can connect to loving him? The next question to ask is, what disturbed that peace in your life at that particular point in time? The third question to ask is, can this be resolved? Then finally, how can this be resolved?

If the two of you are willing to address this by going back in time to see where things began to fade, then you perhaps you can reconnect at that point and then move forward. Please find my article on burying a dead marriage, which leads to points of restoration. Dear God, bless this person and help them to find their way. Also see my about page for resources.

Add a comment March 25, 2011

Study Show What Makes Relationships Last

A recent study was done with 2,500 couples and the results for how they stayed together is so interesting. What hit a chord with me is how much their results track with the Bible…

1. Love key ingredient 2. Ages not over 9 years a part 3. Getting married while young (at least 25) 4. No kids before marriage 5. Parents that stayed together increased marriage span for offspring 6. Healthy finances 7. Healthy lifestyle with no smoking

See full article
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090714/lf_nm_life/us_couples

Add a comment July 15, 2009

10 Ways To Turn A Bad Marriage Into A Good Marriage

1. Control what you say to your spouse
2. Treat your spouse better than you treat yourself
3. Support your spouse
4. Say I am sorry and forgive me often and quickly
5. Don’t be self centered
6. Kiss and make out before the sun goes down if you are angry
7. HELP EACH OTHER OUT IN ALL THINGS
8. Give each other space
9. Serve God together
10 Pray over your marriage, your relationship, your children, your lives in general

2 comments June 9, 2009

My Weight is Becoming an Issue in My Marriage

Please see my post How To Help Your Wife Loose Weight. This article will show items of consideration good for hubby. He needs to get involved and not sit around complaining and making jokes. More than likely your weight started to increase after childbirth, so he is partly responsible. In addition when I studied nutrition one of the courses that we had to take was on the psychology of eating. It was very profound, but what they suggested was for about two-four weeks of taking a log on every single thing you put in your mouth and then look for patterns. Sometimes figuring out why you are eating is the key to getting rid of the weight. Are you stress eating, pent up emotions eating, sitting in front of the TV eating all the time? Do you munch constantly which adds pounds? Are you addicted to high calorie foods, sweets or drinks? Do you feel good about yourself?  Once you identify any pattern spend the next 21 days in dedication to reverse it. The statistic say that anything you give up for at least 21 days is no longer a habit. Another thing that might help is to not bring foods home from the store that contribute to weight issues. That basically means shop around the perimeter of the store where the live and fresh food s are. Aisle foods are mostly calorie ladden. Next do body work, any activity that you enjoy which burns sufficient calories.

I would highly recomment getting the weight issue under control. In some relationships weight does not matter, but if you have a spouse that it does matter pay attention. Put the entire matter to prayer and God will help you.

Add a comment June 2, 2009

Married – How Do I Change My Ungodly Lifestyle?

Hurray for you! The moment you decided to admit to an ungodly lifestyle the change began. Admitting a problem is the first step to overcoming it and being victorious over it. Just liek it took years to develop ungodly ways don’t expect change to be finished over night. Take time to reorganize your life and rebuild trust in the relationship with your spouse. Don’t be surprised if they reject your efforts at first. It is not because they don’t want to believe in your change, they are probably just struggling with is this change for real and for good.

Give your issues to God in a simple prayer and watch him work. It can be as simple as God I am sorry help me to change and don’t let me go back to the way I was. Then ask your spouse for forgiveness and let them know you will be seeking their help in making the changes permanent. Then everyday spend time with God – prayer, read your Bible, getting involved with godly activities and soon those old vices will no longer have any power or control over you. The Bible calls it renewing your mind. You are literally reprogramming yourself. Also forgive others that have hurt you in the past no matter what they did. Hanging on to the pain will hinder your progress. Ask God to help you to forgive and then move on.
When you look back down the road I believe you will find a restored and renewed relationship. Commune with God everyday.

Add a comment May 28, 2009

I Can’t Satisfy My Wife

Yes you can. Change your mind towards the situation believing that you can helps. If it is physical and emotional time, patience, communications, knowledge and understanding can help. Follow God’s pattern for intimacy he gave Adam and Eve a commission be fruitful and multiply that speaks volumes but in essence have a pleasing and productive sex life. The he created an environment for that to take place in the sanctuary of a perfumed garden under the stars, then he told them what to do – get to know each other physically which takes time, then he told them how long to do that – until death, then he gave them how often – anytime you feel like it with the exception of one week and then he advised them that expressing love verbally was important (Songs of Soloman). Finally he told them when intimacy should be over – when love pleases (Songs of Soloman).

If satisfaction is based on what you do for her, some women may not be able to be satisfied because they are selfish and always wanting something. A lot of that can probably be linked back to their upbringing. Then others have so many deficiencies that you will never be able to complete them. In a situation like that you will have to understand that your best effort is all you can give. You can not make her receieve or appreciate your best effort, but you can know that you have done all you do and rest in that. Sometimes communications in this area could help because at least they will know how you feel and that will be off your chest but depending on the person’s mindset it might not make an impact. That is where prayer comes in, ask God to help. Let him know you need him to help your wife to understand how what she does impacts you and to send healing into that part of your relationship. Tell him you want peace.

1 comment May 24, 2009

How To Save Your Marriage Part 4

This is the last week for the marriage challenge. Week one was how to get in touch with your emotions, week two was finding stregnth to do the right thing, week three was kind expressions and this weeks 7 day challenge is to use your mouth to bless and not abuse your spouse. Remember each week continue to do what was done the week before and make it part of your lifestyle.

Let your spouse know positive things:
1. I appreciate you because____________________
2. I know I don’t always act right but I want you to know that I can’t ___________ without you.
3. What can I do to make this relationship more__________________.
4. Are you feeling negleted in any area? Tell me how I can improve.
5. I want our relationship totally restored, I am willing to ____________ will you committ to help me turn things around. I know you might not be feeling it right now but will you try? I am serious this time. Just so that you will know how serious I am, I am willing to _________.
6.Let’s pray and ask God what we should be doing to heal our marriage.
7. I need you because _______________________. I forgive you for _______________and will you forgive me for ______________________. Let’s committ to not hurting each other any more.

Add a comment May 22, 2009

How Can I Tell My Wife She is not Good in Bed?

Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Showing her ways to improve intimacy will probably go a whole lot further than to risk hurting her feelings by what you say. The Bible has a really healthy range of keeping the bedroom relationship pleasing and constraints on what will harm that relationship. See my post How To Become A Great Lover. Here are some somethings that might be helpful.

1. Operate in patience and be kind.
2. Determine if there are any emotional roots or physical roots that she has. Former abuse in any form can ruin intimacy until it is worked out, perhaps even through counseling.
3. Is she prone to feeling rejected or low self esteem? You will have to build that before going any further in building intimacy.
4. Have you considered that she may feel the same way about you? Communications could help in this.
5. Follow Biblical guidelines – keep the marriage bed undefiled, do nothing the two of you can’t agree on and feel confortable with. No porn. No lewd activities. No third parties. No cheating, etc. These are all biblical guidelines.
6. As you all begin to develop intimacy tell her the things she is doing right, praise her and build upon that. That principle is laid out in Songs of Soloman. The whole book is about them expressing to each other how satisfied they are of their intimacy.
7. Build security. The more secure a woman feels the more she can be free.
8. Reduce the stress in her life and help with the kids. This can do wonders for you because she will have more energy.
9. Let her verbally know that you love her, that she is important and what she means to you.
10. Take her away for intimate weekends throughout your relationship. Just getting away from the daily grind and spending special time to provide romance will help.

Add a comment May 21, 2009

Is it True Love When There Is No Spark?

I believe it can be true love when there is no spark. But the question is do you need spark for your personality? Many people live very happy, mild lives because they have a lot in common and are happy to be together. Others need spark – fire, heat, passion along with having a lot in common and being happy together.

Just think about the movie Sleepless in Seatle the character played by Meg Ryan would have been content to marry “Walter” but when she met “Sam” there was MAGIC and she went for it. Obviously she needed spark. But think about Ethel and Fred on the Lucy show, no spark required. I know these are only fictional but you can see personality traits in them.

So when you read your own personality do you see Morticia and Gomez on the Addams Family – spark, or do you see Fred and Ethel – no spark and I could be content like that. What do you need? What do you really need?

If you are a sparky person but feel you could live happily with a sparkless person because you have a devout relationship with them it can work. But if you are a sparky person that needs to have that reciprocated then you really need to consider your life choice.

Add a comment May 21, 2009

Save Your Marriage Part 3

The first week we talked about releasing emotions, week two surrounded good actions towards your spouse, this week your seven day challenge is to use words to bless your relationship. Remember what was covered the last 2 weeks and still operate with those on a daily basis.

1. Start your day before you put your feet on the floor with a kind word to each other
2. Make an encouraging voice mail for your spouse.
3. Say something to make them laugh.
4. Tell them how much you love them despite your current challenges.
5. Say or sing something unusual – like a serenade or a poem.
6. Tell them you forgive them.
7. Ask them what do they think would help the marriage to become better.

Doing this on a regular basis will bring healing to your relationship. We have one more week to go on our save your marriage challenge. Hopefully I will be providing the last weeks topic by Thursday.

Add a comment May 18, 2009